On Minnesota weather.

People, it’s early July and it is h-o-t outside.

I am a Minnesota dog which means, like my human counterparts, I can get a bit preoccupied with the weather. It’s easy to do here because, as we all know, if you don’t like it right now, “wait five minutes and it will change.”

Well, I’ve been waiting more than five minutes and this heat just won’t break. I’m resigned to lying by the fan and eating ice cubes. That’s why I have to find cheap entertainment – like eavesdropping.

Being a most curious canine, my ears stay tuned to conversations outside my window. Things I’ve recently overheard: “Damn global warming,” “Sure is hot today,” and, my personal favorite, “Hot enough for ya?” (My human once responded to a co-worker, “Why no, I’d like it to be even warmer so that I could barely move at all.” That was met with a blank stare.)

Sometimes, entertaining me includes thinking of the things I just don’t get about you humans. Here’s one. It’s a zillion degrees in the shade (yes, quite hot enough for me) and, all over the city, you are cooking something called “hotdogs” on a fire in the backyard. Folks, have you looked at me? I am a dog. I am hot. I am not particularly appetizing. In fact, historically speaking, hotdogs have not ever been appetizing. Check this out:

In 1836 a New York newspaper declared, "Sausages have fallen in price one half, in New York, since the dog killers have commenced operations."

That is just plain nasty.

If you are someone who enjoys cooking the little darlings over an open flame, please call them something else. You can say “frankfurters” after Frankfurt, Germany, where they make them out of pork or “wieners” after Vienna, Austria, (“Wien” in German) where they use a mixture of pork and beef. Call them whatever you want, but don’t use the word hotdog in my presence.

Better yet, eat some cold food. Google “cold summer meals” and you will see a doggone lot of recipes geared to get you away from an open flame. Or, if you want a real treat, walk over to Mississippi Market for a smoothie or Great Harvest Bakery where rumor has it they’re going to start selling ice cream.

Whatever you decide, it seems like it’s going to be a whole lot of five minutes before this weather changes. Enjoy, because in a few months I’ll be asking if it’s cold enough for ya.

Until next time, I’m Selby and I am a hot dog. Keep that mustard away from me.