On reality television.

Neighbors, after a long, hot summer, this writing dog is back at the keyboard. As usual, there is much going on in our Selby/Kent neighborhood. And, as usual, I have things to say.

As my furry tailed nemeses run about hoarding chow for the winter, lawn signs spring up like tulips in May, and my humans’ recycling bin overflows with postcards about this Tuesday’s upcoming Election Day when Ward One will choose its next city councilmember.

With all due respect to both candidates, this race is indicative of how elections work in our country. Messages are diluted, constituents confused. I mean, seriously, check out two of the headlines from this week’s postcards:

Candidate #1: “The Clear Choice for City Council”
Candidate #2: “For Ward One. For City Council. The Choice is Clear."

And then, rhetoric of how one candidate has lived here forever, one candidate just recently moved back, one is experienced, one is much younger, one is male, one is female. Each writes about what they believe in, what they will do for the city, and why they deserve the vote.

This is my challenge for candidates to stop the madness and show us their true stuff.

Here’s the deal. When I am President (yes, I’m considering running in 2012 (I’ll be 35 years old in dog years) if, for no other reason, then to unseat President Colbert), elections will be handled differently. They will speak to the American public on a level it has come to love and to understand.

That’s right folks, I am talking about reality TV’s latest hit, “The Next City Councilmember!”

On this show, each candidate will live, for six months prior to the election, with a family in one of the most economically-distressed areas of the Ward. They will receive a small stipend for living expenses, a bus card, and, most importantly, will be forbidden to campaign in any way. They will be challenged to ensure the family’s 1) long term safety, 2) employment, 3) sufficient supply of food and clothing, and 4) safe, affordable housing.

Whichever candidate has done this by the end of the six months will have earned their seat.

Until then, stop the mailings, stop the comparisons, stop the pretty pictures of smiling heroes and the people who didn’t know how to say “No, thanks, I don’t want to be in a campaign photo.” Candidates, whichever of you wins, I beg of you, do something and do it fast.

Be the clear choice that is clearly clear.

Until next time, I’m Selby, waiting for Tuesday’s results. See you on the Avenue.